Cat of the Military
by CrowSong
Summary: Artemis Fowl and Fullmetal Alchemist crossover. Pairings: EdXWinry, and RoyXRiza; set in Artemis Fowl: The Clost Colony and a year after Fullmetal Alchemist: Conquerer of Shambala. Rated T for safety. Please see my profile for more information.
1. The Cat, the Alchemists, and the Fight

**AN:** Hello! This is my first-ever fanfiction, so I hope it's OK... *ahem* anyways, this is going to be an FMA and Artemis Fowl crossover. It takes place a year after the FMA movie, FMA:CoS. Also, Ed's gonna be a kitty chimera, since I can hardly find any FMA fanfictions with Ed as a kitty chimera in there... I've seriously found, like, two |D So... yeah... enjoy! ^.^ (I know it's short... I'll try to make the next one longer...)

**Note: I do NOT own FMA OR Artemis Fowl, including any of the characters in this story.**

It all began when Alphonse brought the cat home.

"Alphonse, put it back." Edward said sternly as he noticed his younger (but not necessarily smaller) brother holding the small furry creature. The young blond boy did not have much of a liking for cats, but his brother seemed to love them. He would probably never understand why.

Al hugged the kitten closer. "But, Brother, I couldn't just leave it there… It looked so lonely and scared by itself! Can't we please keep this one?" The younger of the two Elrics looked at his brother, giving him his best puppy-dog look. It was easier to do now, since he wasn't a suit of armor anymore. Somehow, Alphonse and his brother had managed to come back into Amestris unscathed. The two weren't exactly sure how, but honestly did not care for once. They were just happy they had managed it at all.

Edward sighed. "I keep telling you, no! How many times must I tell you to get you to understand?" He was beginning to get irritated, Alphonse could tell. "If I let you keep this one, you'll still keep bringing more in! We can't and won't take care of any cats or any other kind of animals at the moment!"

The two brothers began arguing, and the argument became a fight and the fight soon began to involve alchemy, which of course would soon land them into trouble.

Suddenly Alphonse paused, mid-clap, and began to gaze around, confused. "Brother..?" He asked, and Ed looked up.

"What is it?" He asked his younger brother, still annoyed and in a fighting position.

"…where did the cat g-" Al cut himself off as he lifted his gaze to his brother, and his brown eyes widened.

Edward looked confused. "What's wrong, Al?" Ed asked, tilting his head to one side slightly. Oh, how clueless he seemed, standing there, looking like he did. It was almost cute.

Alphonse didn't know what to say. "Well… Er… maybe you should… go look in the mirror…" He said, not wanting to tell his brother himself. Edward gave Al a strange look; he had kind of a funny look on his face. It seemed like a mixture of confusion, horror, and… was that _amusement_?

"Um… OK…" He said, still looking confused as he turned and began walking to the bathroom, his brother not to far behind. When he looked in the mirror, what he saw stunned him. "Are those CAT EARS?" He cried, gold, and now slightly larger and more cat-like, eyes widening. He turned around to see he had a tail to match. "What the heck, Alphonse, what did you do?"

"I don't know!" Al squeaked, not sure it was even him who did it. "I'm sorry Brother! I-I wasn't trying to! Honest!" He took a step back as his brother gave him the death glare.

_If looks could kill,_ _I'd be long dead by now. And Brother probably would be, too._ Alphonse thought with a small shudder as his brother continued to glare at him, dark gold tail lashing and equally golden ears folded back. Anyone could tell that this cat chimera was NOT happy. Suddenly, Ed spun around to gaze in the mirror once more, frowning at his reflection.

"It must've happened during one of our transmutations…" He said, mostly to himself as he gently rubbed his new-found cat ears with his hands. At least they weren't paws. "But how…? How would I not have… not have noticed? And I never would have thought either of us was skilled enough in bio-alchemy to accomplish anything close to this." He sighed to himself. "Well then, I guess I was wrong…" He spun around to face his brother. "Did you notice anything that seemed strange with the alchemy during the fight?"

Al shook his head. "No, Brother, I didn't…" He said, looking sadly at his feet. "I'm… I'm sorry…" His voice cracked slightly, and was surprised when his older brother just sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"No, I'm sorry, Al. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I was just a little… freaked out." He smiled at Al. "Well, actually, I think most people would be." Alphonse laughed.

"Yeah, I'm sure they would." He laughed, and suddenly couldn't resist any longer. He reached up and began to rub Ed's new pair of ears. "Whoa, that's actually kind of coo-" He was cut off by a loud rumbling sound suddenly coming from Ed's chest, and took a step back. "Wait, are you… _purring_?"

The rumbling noise stopped, and Ed's face suddenly went red with embarrassment. "Y-yes, I guess I was…" He muttered, looking away with his ears back as his younger brother burst out laughing. "What? It's the stupid cat!" He snapped. "It's not like I was TRYING to purr!"

Alphonse smirked. "Uh-huh. Wait, weren't you supposed to meet Fuhrer Mustang today?" While the two brothers had been Germany, Roy had somehow managed to climb his way up to the rank of Fuhrer. Soon after they had returned, Edward had resumed his job as a State Alchemist, knowing that now, even if he still had to follow military orders, he and other Sate Alchemists would not be used as human weapons for war.

Edward nodded, his gazed automatically moving towards the clock in the hall way. "UGH! I'm gonna be late! Great, now I'll have to listen to him about that, along with the ranting about my height!" He tried to make a growling noise, but it came out as a hiss instead, which only made Alphonse laugh again.

"'Edward Elric: Cat of the Military'!" He said and burst out laughing again. "It's perfect!" Ed just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, real funny, Al!" He grumbled as he put on his signature red coat (the one his brother had an almost exact copy of that he wore. Copy-cat) and pulled the hood over his head to hide his ears, and made sure his tail was behind the jacket. Then he walked out of the house, brother following behind him. Halfway across the yard, he swore quietly to himself and stopped.

"What is it, brother?" Alphonse asked.

"Great, I just realized that that jerk Mustang now has yet ANOTHER thing to annoy me about constantly."

**Chapter 1: End**

Well, I hope everything seems OK, and everyone is in character and all that... Oh, and reviews are welcomed! ^.^ Any suggestions would be great! ^.^


	2. Equivalent Exchange

**AN:** OK, I know this chapter is, like, super short, and super late, and a few of the characters are, well, out of character, and the writing for just about all of it is horrible, but hey, I've been having HORRIBLE writer's block lately, so... yeah |D

**Chapter 2**

"Ah, there you are, Fullmetal. I was beginning to wonder if you would show up at all."

Ed sighed as he walked into the office of Fuhrer Roy Mustang, swishing is tail slightly behind his red jacket. He wished the Fuhrer would shut up, but he just continued talking.

"Of course, I did consider the fact that I couldn't see you, I mean, with you being all short and all. I mean, you've hardly grown two inches since you were sixteen-"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HIM?" Ed cried, cutting him off.

"Brother, please try to calm down…" Alphonse said to his brother with a sigh and a shake of his head.

"Please, Sir, give the boy a break. Enough with the teasing already." They all turned to see Riza Hawkeye, or more recently, Riza Mustang, step into the room carrying a pile of paperwork. Roy just smiled and chuckled to himself.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop for now." He said, smiling at her. Then he turned to Ed and Al. "So, anyways, back to bus-"

"Wait, I have one thing to say, first." Ed said, cutting off Roy once again. The Fuhrer raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent and let the small blond boy continue. His dark eyes widened in surprise as Edward pulled back the hood of his coat, revealing the dark gold cat ears on the top of his head, replacing his normal human ones. His eyes widened even further as the striped gold tail poked its way from under the red coat.

Both Riza and the Fuhrer were speechless. After a long pause, Roy finally said something.

"Tell me everything."

So, after both Edward and Alphonse told Riza and Roy Mustang (the two had recently gotten married) the entire story, there was yet another stunned silence.

It was Roy who broke the silence. "Of course, you had to turn him into a cat. You couldn't just settle with making him taller?" A small smirk lit up his face at the look on Ed's furious face. Alphonse even had to hold him back, so he didn't strangle the Fuhrer to death. The small blond cat boy was hissing and kicking angrily, struggling to free himself of his brother's grip.

"LET ME GO AL!" Edward cried, still struggling to free himself. But his younger brother did not release him, just clung tighter.

"Brother! Calm down!" He cried. This wasn't the first time his brother had gotten this mad and he had to hold him back. He knew the young State Alchemist would soon tire himself out, and he could then let go. And, of course, eventually Edward did and Alphonse let go of him, flinching at the cold golden-eyed glare he was getting from his panting older brother. Edward then turned to Mustang, ears back and eyes narrowed.

"I'm. Not. SHORT!" He spat. "I'm still growing!" The raven-haired Fuhrer chuckled, which only accomplished making the chimera even more irritated, his golden-striped tail twitching even more than it already was. Actually, now it was whipping back and forth, far beyond twitching.

"Ah, still growing? Isn't nineteen years a little late?" He laughed out loud as Ed turned from furious to fuming. It was easy to imagine steam coming from his ears. Edward was such an easy target when it came to teasing; no matter what Riza told him, he would most likely never leave the poor boy alone.

Edward took a deep breath and turned away from Roy, ears twitching slightly. "Whatever…" He grumbled, trying to keep his temper this time. "Attempting" would be a better word for it, actually. But the young chimera was successful, and continued speaking. "Anyway, onto more important matters," He continued. "How in the world am I going to turn back to normal?" His arms were crossed, tail waving and ears twitching. Alphonse could help but chuckle a little. His older brother looked the spitting image of an irritated cat. He silenced himself at an icy glare from Edward, and made sure to stay silent. His brother wasn't very pleasant to be around when he was angry, as seen before. And that wasn't even half of the fury his brother could conjure up. Yes, it could get worse. Much, much worse.

Roy thought about it for a few moments. "Well…" He said, deep in thought. "I could give you a few months off to give you time to research…"

So, the two brothers had taken the time off, and spent months studying, until Edward was sure he had gotten everything write. All the equations were perfect, the circle, everything. He made sure to try his best not to repeat what happened last time…

Now the two brothers sat, one in the circle and the other along the side. "Ready, Al?" Edward asked his younger brother, who gave him a worried glance. What was his brother going to give in equivalent exchange? He hoped it wouldn't be his other arm, or his other leg. He really hoped it wouldn't… "Al, don't be scared. It'll work; I promise."

Alphonse looked at Edward, his eyes full of worry. "Yeah…" He muttered. "But that's what you said… what you said last… last time…" He looked up to see his brother flinch away at the mention of the day they attempted to bring their mother back, the day he had lost his arm and leg, the day Alphonse's soul had been trapped in a suite of armor, for all those years. And then, when he was finally released from his metal prison, he was left with no memories of those years traveling with his brother, and had awoken to learn that he had disappeared. Gone. Alphonse shivered at the thought of those years…

Edward smiled kindly. "Don't worry; I know what I'm doing this time." And with that, he clapped his hands together and began reaching them down towards the ground, leaving Alphonse with no choice but to do the same. Lights surrounded the two of them, and Ed smiled. _Everything is going perfectly_. That was his last thought before everything when black.

He blinked open his eyes to find himself in an empty white space. He stood and found himself in front of a large black gate. The Gate.

"_**Ohhhh Alch-eh-mist..!**_" Sang a voice behind him, and he spun around. _No…_ He thought desperately to himself as his eyes widened. _This can't be happening…! Not again! _He had turned to find himself facing the dark outline of a humanoid figure smirking at him. It was none other than Truth. Of course, how stupid he had been, thinking he wouldn't end up here again. He shouldn't be surprised. But he was, and he wasn't sure exactly what he had intended to give in equivalent exchange anymore. "_**Foolish enough to come knocking on The Gate again now, are we**_?"

"_What do you want, Truth?_" Edward spat at the figure, glaring at it. His mind was quickly attempting to think of something, anything, he could use in equivalent exchange.

Truth chuckled. "_**Ah, I think the question is, what do YOU want, fool.**_" Truth chuckled at the confused look on Edward's face. "_**You're the one who came knocking on The Gate, are you not?**_"

But the thing was, suddenly Edward couldn't remember what it was he had wanted anymore. _Shoot!_ He thought to himself. _What was it? That devious Truth… What did he do to make me forget? _

"_**Don't know now, do we?**_" Edward's eyes widened and his gaze snapped up to Truth. "_**That won't do, now will it? Ah, well, pity, it looks like time is up, and you still haven't given payment for opening The Gate. Yes, a pity indeed.**_" This caused Edward to take another step back, eyes still wide. This could not be happening. Not again!

"_B-but… I have nothing else to give you! And I just opened The Gate; I didn't get any information or anything!_" He stuttered and Truth chuckled.

"_**Oh, so you want to have someone else pay for you, oh, foolish, selfish, arrogant alchemist?**_" Truth chuckled again, and waited for what he meant to sink in. It only took a moment.

"_Alphonse!_" Edward whispered to himself. Then The Gate opened again, and tiny black hands reached out to grab Edward, dragging him back through The Gate. "_No!_" He cried. "_Stop! No! Alphonse!_" He was still crying out and thrashing about in attempt to shove the tiny black hands off of him as The Gate slowly began to close.

Well, there's the end of chapter 2 ^.^' I know, I know, it's horrible... but plz review anyways! 8D Ideas would help a ton! x3 And I promise Artemis and Holly will appear in the next chapter, I swear! |D


	3. Unexpected Guests

**AN:** GAH! Sorry this took so long for me to write! . I meant to make this longer, I might make this a WIP, but Idk . Sorry if anyone seems OoC or anything, if they do, just tell me D= And I know this chapter's kinda boring, but it's important to the story, 'kay? I promise to make it more exciting next time, and to make it at least a bit longer. Buuuuuut, I did keep my promise about the Artemis and Holly thing! 8D Also, thank you sososo much for the reveiw! x3

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or AF, or any of the characters that appear in here. I just put together a different plot, etc.**

**Chapter 3**

Artemis was enjoying a nice cup of warm jasmine tea, sitting at a table outside of a rather cozy little café in Germany with his body guard, Butler. The air beside them was shimmering slightly, showing the presence of a certain elfin fairy captain. The three were waiting for something, but none of the three but Artemis knew quite yet what it was they were actually waiting _for_—but that is what Artemis usually did; waited to reveal the rest of the plan until he knew he needed to, or only gave certain parts of a plan to certain people.

As usual, Butler was as nervous about his young principle's safety as ever. He knew he shouldn't be as nervous with Holly around, but yet something seemed to be rather… _off_ about their meeting with this unknown person. The fact that Butler did not know who this strange person only succeeded in making Butler even more anxious to get the young boy out of here, and out of danger.

"Artemis, how much longer until this guy shows up?" he asked his principle, on edge and glaring at any unfortunate soul that gave so much as a glace at them as they walked by. "I have a bad feeling about this."

But Artemis simply smiled and patted his extremely large body guard on the shoulder. "Don't worry, old friend, he should be coming any minute now-no, any _second_, even." Butler frowned in dismay, but as he opened his mouth to speak, Artemis suddenly disappeared.

Butler's eyes widened. Where in the world had the young boy gone? What was he going to tell Artemis's mother? He turned to where the shimmering patch of air had been just a second ago to see that it was gone as well.

X~X~X~X~X~X

"Alphonse!" Edward cried, scrambling over to where he saw his brother passed out on the floor outside the transmutation circle. "Al! Wake up!" He only allowed himself to breath when he saw his brother slowly open his grey-brown eyes and give him a slow blink.

"B-brother..?" He muttered, blinking again. "Wha-what happened..? Did it work..?" He frowned when his older brother shook his head sadly, and noticed the cat ears were still there. "I-I'm.. s-sorry, brother.." He muttered quietly, and Edward gave him a sad smile.

"What are you apologizing for? It was my idea; I'm the foolish one here." He said with a small laugh. "Now, I'm just glad to see you're still in one piece-"

"D'arvit…" A voice cut him off, and Edward turned to see a small figure beginning to stand up, then turn to another figure laying passed out on the ground, and began yelling at it in a strange language that neither Edward nor Alphonse recognized from anywhere, though they were both fluent in Amestrian and German, and could recognize a few words in Xingese and English.

Edward and Alphonse both jumped a little as the second figure slowly began sitting up, groaning and speaking, in a calmer voice, the two noticed, in the same, unfamiliar language. Alphonse gave a small "eep", earning the death glare from his brother, and surprised looks from the two strangers.

Holly blinked, gazing at the two frightened boys along with Artemis. She decided to stop arguing for the moment and introduce her and her companion to them, but first she would have to put her Gift of Tongues to use.

"English?" She asked the two of them. They both blinked and shook their heads, and Holly frowned. She switched to a different language. "German, perhaps?" She noticed the two boys glance at each other for a moment, as if deciding if they should trust her or not, the boy with golden hair turned and spoke to her.

"Yes, we are both fluent in German, if you are asking if we can understand it," he replied, careful to fold back his ears to hide them. He suddenly noticed that the woman was SHORTER than he was-oh, joy! Finally someone who WOULDN'T look down on him as a mere pipsqueak!

The woman seemed pleased. "Wonderful. I am Holly Short,"-Edward flinched (of course her last name had to be Short!)-"And this is my, er, friend, Artemis Fowl." She motioned to the boy sitting next to her. He had black hair and was gazing calmly at him with icy blue eyes. "May we ask you your names?"

Edward blinked, considering it for a moment before replying. "Yes. My name is Edward Elric, and this is my brother, Alphonse. Ugh, it feels strange, speaking in this language again… would you two happen to know of the language Amestrian? Do you speak any?"

Holly seemed stunned, much to Ed and Al's surprise. "Yes, of course I know it, I know every language. But-but Amestrian has not been spoken…. In thousands of years…!" said Holly, in flawless Amestrian, of course. The young boy standing next to Holly (_Artemis_, Edward reminded himself, s_uch an odd name_) also seemed mildly surprised. Edward noticed that he had not said a single word the entire conversation, only listening, seeming to absorb every detail. His icy gaze sent shivers down Edward's back.

Finally, the boy spoke. "Ah, yes, Amestrian. They mentioned it in The Book, even said how to speak in it, as I recall. Of course, I taught myself and am now fluent." It was only natural he proved this by speaking in nearly flawless Amestrian, though not as flawless as Holly. "They also mentioned something about the lost art, and science, of Alchemy, am I correct?"

Holly nodded, slowly. "Yeah, Mudboy"- (_"Mudboy"?_ Edward thought, _What a STUPID nickname!_)-"That'd be pretty much right…" She crossed her arms, frowning. "But how? I thought…" She trailed off and began un-folding her arms, gazing wide-eyed at Edward and Alphonse. Ed had almost forgotten that his brother was sitting next to him, and was struggling to keep his cat ears folded flat against his head. He hoped that it would be dark enough that they wouldn't be able to notice them; he didn't think that right now would be the best time to show off his cat-like features to their new guests.

Artemis continued the conversation, which Edward and Alphonse were apparently not a part of anymore. "Yes, yes, Captain Short"-Edward only just barely held in the short rant that was just screaming to come out, and Alphonse grabbed his brother's shoulder just in case-"if I am correct about what it is you are thinking about, and I am sure I am, yes, I do believe that did happen, and this is exactly what I was waiting for, though I was sure that it would be the other way around." The young genius frowned. "It seems that my calculations were slightly off."

Holly snapped. "SLIGHTLY OFF?" She cried, fuming. "We're in an entirely different freaking WORLD, and you say your calculations are only SLIGHTLY off?" The short elfin captain was glaring at the young genius, her face turning slightly red with anger. But not as red as Commander Root's got; that's what earned him the nickname "Beetroot". Holly felt saddened by the thought of her fallen commander, and quickly tried to get him out of her mind. Now was not the time to feel upset; it was possibly the worst time.

"Excuse me," Alphonse suddenly piped up, "But exactly what year was it before you came here?" The boy and the short woman both turned to look at the brown eyed boy. Artemis blinked and quickly answered them.

"It was year 2007, why?" He asked, not sure exactly why they would be asking. Of course, it was possible that they could be in a different time period, or maybe perhaps they were just curious. It wasn't exactly every day that two strangers suddenly poofed out of thin air. What he wasn't expecting was the mild looks of surprise on the two boy's faces, and for them to turn around and start muttering to each other, just quietly enough that Artemis couldn't hear them.

"What do you think, Al?" Edward whispered to his brother. "It was only, what, nineteen… fifty, maybe, last time we were there?" Alphonse frowned, thinking, wondering how he should answer his brother.

"I think, maybe, time goes slightly faster on the other side of The Gate, or perhaps time on this side doesn't necessarily connect with the time of that side, so, therefore, no matter what time you are in on either side, it doesn't mean you will always end up in the same time you were in before." Alphonse frowned, thinking over what he had just said. "Uh, yeah, sorry if that didn't make much sense…"

Edward chuckled quietly. "Nah, it's fine, I understand what you were trying to say there, bro." He whispered back. "I was thinking the exact same thing." The two both turned back to see that Artemis and Holly were arguing in that strange language again, Holly with an enraged look on her face, and Artemis looking as calm as ever, and was talking as if he was trying to explain a complicated math problem to a five year old. Edward blinked, suddenly realizing how close their language was to their own; it was all so strange.

Artemis then turned to the two, noticing that they were finished talking. "Ah, finished with our little conversation, are we?" He frowned, then gazed calmly at his watch. "Tsk, it seems that we will be leaving again soon. And when I say 'we', I mean all of all of us." His icy blue gaze landed on Ed and Al. "And that means you two as well."

Edward bristled, golden (and now slightly more cat-like) eyes wide. He couldn't go back, no, not again! He wouldn't be able to survive one more moment on that side of The Gate, he wouldn't be able to stand the fact that he was, once again, trapped. To bad he didn't have a choice, as suddenly the world went completely dark.

How was that? I hope everything was OK... . Oh and the "strange language" is Gnomish, btw, and I kinda just guessed on the dates and stuff ^.^' So, uh, yeah, reveiw and stuff, please? =3


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